It’s 6:41 AM here in Mannheim, Germany.
I’m up early because I went to bed earlier than I have on most nights lately – nights where sleep hasn’t been an option.
These days, I often wonder how my body is holding up. At any moment, I fear I might break. This body has been through a lot these past few months. I’m either functioning at my lowest or moving at hyper-speed.
This was the year I got married.
Marriage – this is the first time I’m announcing it publicly – is so grounding, yet I haven’t allowed myself to fall fully into its bliss.
It was also the year I lost my father – Edwin St. Edison Okolie.
I am grieving.
I’ve been off social media, away from platforms where I’d normally connect with friends and family I’ve made over the years. I am hiding, running from myself, because I feel terribly ashamed. I, who’ve always thought of myself as intentional, am now battling this ball of guilt that has clenched itself around me.
I grieve not seeing that my daddy needed me. I grieve forgetting. My daddy should have been at my wedding, but he wasn’t–couldn’t–because of death.
It’s 7:33 AM now. I’m thinking of what to write.
This isn’t what now pages are meant for–or maybe it is. I woke up to Derek Sivers’ nudge to update mine. Soon it’ll be work time. I’ll bring my now profile here.
Professional title:
Storyteller & Builder
What do you actually do?
I build structures that support people and tell stories that help them see themselves more clearly.
Why do you do it?
Because I believe structure and storytelling can change how people experience work and life. I’m driven by the idea that when people feel seen, supported, and inspired, they create their best work and their best selves.
Recent thought, epiphany, or interesting idea
Something I found interesting is a quote from my husband – ‘it’s not about knowing how to code – it’s about making something’ – this I translated to ‘growth isn’t always about knowing how to do something. It’s about making something. And whatever it is, if it keeps you up at night, it matters.’
Favourite book or article:
‘you are the person who asks who they are… you are a wanderer. a searcher. you are an overflowing river that shifts its banks when the rains come.’
— Every Word You Cannot Say by Iain S. Thomas
I’ve been journaling and reading Every Word You Cannot Say because it speaks to my soul. I loved it so much I bought copies for my support system.
I’m currently building a tool to help people track their achievements.
My fitness life is almost non-existent at this point, though I signed up at a Brazilian Jiu-jitsu school, where I only attend once a week.
I have a good community here. Everyone is kind. I’ve been cooking more and exploring different flavours of tea.
Most times, yellow doesn’t appear yellow to me, but I’m learning to see the colours through my husband’s eyes.
This is the most I’ve written publicly.
Wherever you are reading this from, please pray for my family.
Clocking out at 7:42 AM.
Last updated on 16 October 2025, from Mannheim, Baden-Württemberg.
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The winged time traveller 